NEW BLOG

I've decided to move all sports talk to its own location. I know there are several of you who enjoy such topics so please feel free to read and comment. I figure my analysis will always be biased and skewed so I'm counting on the likes of people like Mark, Christian and Jeremy to add some bias in opposite directions to even things out. There's not much up yet, but hopefully more will come very soon. You can check it out at dallassportsfanatic.blogspot.com. For those not interested, I hope you will still enjoy my ridiculous thoughts on non sports related matters.

DEAR MTV

Yo Momma? Seriously? Please tell me you fired the person who thought this would be a good idea. And please tell me you fired the person who after initial poor ratings and feedback decided to put the show in every time slot to boost the already poor ratings. If those guys aren't maning a register at the local McDonald's then I have some serious worries about the future of your organization. I don't know if anyone noticed but Wilmer Valder ... Valder ... Notgoingtoworkhereanymore is not from the streets and on top of that is not funny. He's funny in That 70's Show because let's face it (and no offense is meant) foreign kids with funny accents always make us laugh. And the jokes they use on the show are awful. We came up with much better stuff when I was in high school. I remember being on the bus going to a baseball game one time and when the bus backed up it started to beep as buses do. One of the guys looked at another guy and said, "hey, your mom makes that same sound when she walks backwards." Now that's good stuff. Not that crap you get on the show. The other day one of the guys drew a blank and had absolutely nothing to say. Do you guys not have enough money to pay for a writer or two?

So please MTV ... for the love of all things holy in pop culture ... please send little Fez back to whatever country he came from and let me go back to wasting entire Saturdays in front of a good old fashioned Real World marathon.

WAKEBOARD COMPETITION

My cousin Will entered his first wakeboarding competition a few weeks ago so Allison and I decided to go over to Fort Worth and check it out. My suspicions were immediately comfirmed that we would be well above the average age person in attendance, although we were actually no where near the oldest. Nothing like seeing 40 something moms drinking Miller Lite out of a cooler in the back of their truck while they cheer on their kids. I make fun of the Miller Lite part but I actually love the fact that many parents were there in support of their kids. Wakeboarding has definitely brought watersports into the mainstream these days and so it's great to see parents support kids in things other than the traditional sports. I'm amazed at what most of these kids can do on a wakeboard. Whenever I get the chance to get on the water I give it my best try, but I'm old and definitely don't know how to fly as far as most of these kids do. I'm sure I'll keep trying though until I break bones or come home with a concussion. Yes, I'm pretty sure hitting water at 25 mph can potentially do both of those things.

On a somewhat related note, my friend who owns the boat I went out on last summer sold the boat a few weeks ago. So if any of you have a boat and need another person to come along and make a fool of himself by holding onto a rope while standing on a little board behind the boat then I'm your man. Here is a pic of Will at the competition. He didn't win but we all had a great time. And this white boy got a little much needed sun.

MAVS PIMP SLAP THE SPURS

I tell you what. On a tuesday night in May, nothing makes me feel better than seeing the Mavericks dismantle the whiny Spurs like they did lastnight. Now first of all, if there are any Spurs fans reading I first of all question why we are friends. Second of all I question your judgement skills. And third, I tell you to suck it up because I'm about to rail on your team. It could be that the Spurs are worn out from the series with Sacramento. It could be that the Spurs continual whining over calls did not pay off the way it did in game one. But I would argue that lastnights game was a direct result of the Mavericks being the most awesome team ever ... in Texas ... this decade. Devon Harris was inserted into the starting lineup to add some offensive firepower and it paid off big time with Harris scoring 20 points as he dismantled the Spurs interior defense. Josh Howard was unstoppable and Jerry Stackhouse was lighting up that corner 3 pointer all night. Dirk never tried to force shots against the bear hug defense of Bruce Bowen and still scored 20 plus. It was an all around team effort that should convince anyone who watched that the Mavericks are a team with the potential to win it all this year.

Now to the Spurs. What's with all the whining? I know this is nothing new for them, but it just seems like it always gets worse. I wonder who whined first. The team or the fans. Do their fans just assume that all other fans in all other arenas whine the way they do? Just a little fyi to Spurs fans ... most other fans actually know a thing or two about basketball and don't feel the need to cry a river everytime something doesn't go the way that Tim Duncan or Tony Parker wants it to go. Speaking of Tim Duncan, I think that guy is the biggest cry baby off all. I'm trying to remember if David Robinson was ever that way or if he would have kicked Tim's ass for acting like a little girl after every foul. I know Avery Johnson has a strong connection with the Spurs and with Pops but I think he realizes he's part of a much cooler team and organization now.

So enough railing on the Spurs. That game lastnight was awesome though. I don't expect to see that level of embarrassment again in this series as I'm sure the Spurs will regroup and bring their A game on Saturday in Dallas. But I still hold to my prediction that I made to Jeremy of Dallas in 5. We'll see what happens. The next game is in Dallas on Saturday at 4:00 on ESPN I believe. You should check it out.

BIGFOOT ATTACK

One of the things I really enjoy is fly fishing. I'm not that great at it, but there's something about it that keeps me coming back. As you can imagine there are no trout streams in my immediate vicinity here in the Dallas area so in order to fish for trout I have to make a little drive. The closest trout stream is in southeastern Oklahoma and so this past weekend a friend of mine and I packed up the car and headed up to Beavers Bend State Park to camp on Saturday night and fish all day Sunday. We set up camp, cooked dinner, hung out for a while and then decided to hit the sack.

I think at this point I should give you a little background information to help explain why what I'll later tell you is funny, beyond the actual humor of the situation. I've camped in this area several times now and I remember shortly after my first trip there I was watching The Discorvery Channel and saw a show on Bigfoot. You know ... big ape looking thing ... lots of people claim to have seen one ... said people usually have a few teeth missing and one can only assume a few brain cells missing as well ... there is still no proof that they actually exist ... etc. Anyways, this show covered several stories of sightings and most of them were in Oklahoma. In particular around the Broken Bow and Beavers Bend areas. And if you've never been in this area I would say it is a great place for a Bigfoot to live. Trees and mountains for miles on end. You could get lost out there for days before running across a road, house, or person. I don't exactly believe in any of these Bigfoot theories, but at the same time it was duelly noted that we were camping in Bigfoot country with nothing but a dull pocket knife and fry pan for protection.
So we're getting ready to go to sleep and my friend decides he needs a little bedtime snack so he opens up a couple of the honey buns we had brought for breakfast. This is not bear country so I don't get too concerned by this and I think nothing of the fact that he put the opened wrappers back in the box and set it down at his feet inside the tent. After sleeping for several hours I wake up to my friend hitting me and infatically telling me to wake up. In a daze I ask what was going on. In a very freaked out voice he says, "something's trying to get in the tent." He said he woke up to something pushing in the side of the tent and touching him. I about half didn't believe him and so I rolled over to go back to sleep. He continued to plead his case so I told him (with no success) to go outside and see what it was. About that time I saw the side of the tent being pushed in and something scratching or biting near the place the food was set. I've seen various friends freak out about various things over the years, but this was a doozy. I assumed it was a racoon ... the small holes in the side of the tent would indicate as much as racoons have some pretty sharp claws that could cut a hole in a tent ... but of course couldn't resist the temptation to suggest that Bigfoot could be outside our tent looking for his next meal. So my friend (by the way, I'm referring to him as "my friend" in order to hide his identity as some of you probably know him and would make fun of him. It is not an effort to cover up actions of my own) moved the food away from the side of the tent to see if this would curb the advances of the coon or Bigfoot, whichever was outside.

I soon fell back asleep for the rest of the night. Apparently the intruder did not come back as my friend lay awake most of the night unable to fall asleep again.

So the moral of the story friends is even if you're not in bear country or Bigfoot country, you're always in racoon country so it's a good idea to seal up all food and trash when camping and not keep it inside the tent. Oh yeah, and don't forget to keep a camera handy in case it is Bigfoot that's trying to get your honeybuns. You'll probably be dead, but if anyone ever finds the pictures your next of kin could be very wealthy. Just fyi.

ADDITION TO AN EARLIER POST

It was brought to my attention that this is not just on bumper stickers. Apparently there is a whole line of clothing. The creator/designer is a lady who had several family members deal with breast cancer and she found an opportunity to help make a difference. The company gives 5% of every sale to breast cancer research. You can check it all out here. And see Hillary Duff's sister sporting her new ta-tas shirt below.

Mavs Mania

Alright, who's pumped about the Mavericks? If you're not on board you had better get there fast my friends. The Mavs beat the crap out of the Memphis Grizzlies lastnight to sweep their first round series. For you non sports or non Mavs fans here are a few tidbits about the series. It was the third playoff series in the history of the Grizzlies franchise. All three trips have been in the last 3 years. As the NBA plays best of 7 series that guarantees they have played at least 12 playoff games over that 3 year span. They have won 0 games and lost 12. That's right. They have never won a playoff game ... having been swept 3 straight years. Until lastnight the Mavericks had never swept a playoff series from another team.

I had the opportunity to go to game 2 of this series in Dallas and the atmosphere in the AAC was amazing. Part of it might have been the fact that I was 7 rows behind the basket so I had a little better perspective and view of what was actually happening on the floor as opposed to if I was sitting up in the rafters where I belong. It also may have been due to the camera that was 3 feet from me putting my entire mug on the jumbo tron. I'm pretty sure my excitement was contagious enough to get the 18,000 people who saw me pumped about the game. I can't take full credit for the Mavs win ... but I sure would hate to see what happened if I hadn't of been on the jumbo tron. I'm just saying ... it could have been bad.

For those of you who live near Central Expressway in Dallas or in the Garland area you should always ride the DART train. What a stroke of genius by the city when they put that in. I got on at the northern most stop, met a certain friend of mine at Mockingbird Station and then we rode the train on down to Victory Station right outside of the AAC. The trip down and back cost me $2.50. No parking, no traffic, very little waiting. I was excited to see the number of people who are using this resource. Reminded me a little of coming and going on the red line to a game at Wrigley. Anyways, that's my plug for DART. Go ride it if you can. Or if you're in Fort Worth and want to come to Dallas just hop on the TRE.

And finally, if you want to support the Mavs by sporting a "Dirk is my Homeboy" T-shirt as seen above then go here to order one. Apparently these are illegal as the sellers do not have permission from Dirk. I've heard members of his family are mad and have already shut down one site that was selling the t-shirts. That is why they have moved to myspace I guess. So get them while you can. They may be gone soon. The Mavs get a little break and then either San Antonio or Sacramento in the second round. Get pumped everybody.

BUMPER STICKER

I saw one of the funniest bumper stickers I've ever seen the other day. I should probably begin with a disclaimer about my lack of intentions to offend anyone. I understand the seriousness of breast cancer and am fully supportive of research to find a cure for this disease. This is a disease that has affected friends and family so I'm not without perspective on the gravity of this issue. That being said, the other day I was driving home and saw a truck with a bumper sticker. On the bumper sticker was the ribbon seen above and over the top of the ribbon were the words, "Save The Ta-Ta's".

I know. I've never seen a better use of humor to bring attention to a very serious issue. I intentionally slowed down so the truck would pass allowing me to confirm what I thought I saw. Genius.

For information on breast cancer and how you can get involved go here and here.

On an unrelated note ... sorry for the lack of postings lately. Combo of being really busy and writer's block I guess. Stay tuned as more genius postings should be forthcoming.