OOPS!

I have a house. In that house I have laminate flooring (aka fake wood). When wearing socks one can generally slide very far on said flooring. Being the child that I am if I'm ever going somewhere inside the house I get a running start and then see how far I can slide. So the other night as I started my slide across the foyer things didn't seem quite right. I thought, "hmmm, I seem to be off balance a little." Next thing you know I'm falling sideways into the wall, hit the wall, and then fall to the floor landing on my butt and back. I have to tell you ... I haven't eaten it like that in some time. My back was all scratched up from the wall and it didn't help to falling on the hard floor. It did not feel good. I guess that's the price you pay for being the type of daredevil that I am. Anyways, thought that might make you laugh and if you hadn't realized it already you will now understand the depth of my immaturity.

My Top 5 Winter Olympic Competitions

I have to tell you, for my money I'll take the winter games over those of the summer anyday of the week. It's obvious the summer games are more like what the original olympics were like so I dig the fact that the winter olympics people just made up a bunch of crazy stuff to compete in over the years and now we have the winter olympics. I mean, is the guy in this picture really skiing with a rifle strapped to his back? How awesome is that? So now I give you my top 5 favorite winter olympics competitions in no particular order.

1) Biathlon - it goes something like this. You get on cross country skis. Ski out to a place where you take target practice. And then ski back. Somehow they figure a winner out of that. I mean, who in the world came up with the idea of putting cross country skiing and gun play together? If I could I would shake his hand, because this competition is cool. Really, really cool.

2) Skeleton - As I stated in a previous post I have some mad props for the competitors in the one man luge. I question the morality of the two man but am a fan of the one man. However I have now learned there is a sport just like the luge only the maniacs go down headfirst at speeds approaching 80 mph. That is awesome! It takes me back to the one time it iced over while I was at A&M and everyone took lunch trays from the cafeteria and rode them down the ramps of the parking garage. It's essentially the same thing only faster. Much faster. You know if those guys wreck they'll probably die. I can respect that. I wouldn't do it. But I respect it.

3) Snowboard Cross - I'm so glad this stuff made it into the olympics. People have made comments about the Americans wanting it in the olympics because we invented the sport and are in turn very good at it. Doesn't every olympic sport come from something people were just doing for the fun of it and then decided to make it into a competition? Well now we have snowboard cross and I love it. Did you see that girl from the USA do a board grab and fall on one of the last jumps in her race. She was assured gold until she ate it while showing off. Now that's cool. And of course while all the other athletes are training, focusing or psyching themselves out for their compeititions, the snowboarders are out at the local bar all night partying. It's like there is an understanding that if one person parties ... they all party. That way the competition is fair.

4) Freestyle skiing (moguls and big flipping competition) - this takes some big ones my friend. Especially the one where they just jump 50 feet in the air, do flips and twists and then land on hard snow at only a 37 degree angle. No thanks. How do you start doing that crap? I mean, there has to be a first time where you just go for it. And there has to be a time where you land on your head because you screwed up on something. So why aren't more of these people dead?
5) Snowboard halfpipe - Shaun White, what's up? That kid is unreal. He's 19, has three huge houses in the states, and was totally clutch in this competition after botching a landing in his first run. These guys and girls catch so much air it's not even funny. If there was one olympic competition I could compete in it would be this one. I think they definitely get the most chicks. Except for maybe that Italian cross country team. Apparently they're really popular and they won so they're getting a lot of Italian lovin'. As for me though, I'd stay on the snowboarding hill because that's where the action is.

So there you have it. My top 5. If it changes I'll let you know. Any other winter olympics competitions you guys are digging? Any figure skating fans? I hope not.

Uncle Sam Wants You ...

... to shop at Brookshires! I've seen several instances in the past few weeks here in McKinney of companies using what seems to be homeless people dressed up as either Uncle Sam or The Statue of Liberty standing out by the street trying to lure would be customers into the parking lot and of course into their store. I always see this dirty old man dressed as Uncle Sam outside of Brookshires. I'm pretty sure he does not work for Brookshires and hell, for all I know he may not work for anyone around there. He may just get his kicks by dressing up in costume and glaring at people driving by. He never carries a sign so if he does work for a local business I and others driving by would have no idea what he's advertising for. I find this entire scene to be very humorous. Sometimes there is an African-American (you like my political correctness) male teenager that dresses up as The Statue of Liberty for what seems to be the same purpose. Which brings us back to the fact that I have no idea what that purpose is. Across town their is another establishment that uses a dirty old Uncle Sam as well. He just gives people a mean stare as they drive by. Probably not good for business. I don't know who's idea it was to advertise this way but I love it. It makes me laugh everytime I pass by.

Speaking of human directional advertising ... anyone watching that reality show on MTV about the guy from O-Town who's trying to make it as a solo artist? Lastnight he went to a temp agency to get some work until his record came out and they suggested that the only thing he was qualified for was "human directional advertising" which is basically standing outside a building with an A-frame sign hanging on your shoulders. I don't know what it is about ridiculous reality shows that sucks me in but I've started watching this guy's show. Next week he supposedly goes to an open mic night at a club to try out some new songs and he plays a wrong chord on the piano. I can't wait. And while we're on the subject of MTV reality ... how about the good ole Gauntlet. So sad to see Kara go lastweek. It's too bad all those other bitches (excuse me) had to gang up on her and Suzie. I'm a fan of both of those girls. And how crazy is Alton with climbing that cargo net lastnight in the gauntlet? That's insane. Poor Jeremy never stood a chance.

I just remembered something else I totally don't understand. NASCAR. Why do people watch that crap? I could go sit by the interstate for 5 hours with a cooler of beer for free and see the exact same thing. Apparently some guy named Jimmie Johnson (not the second greatest football coach in Dallas Cowboy history) won Daytona last weekend. Who cares. I'll take some Olympic Snowboard Cross anyday of the week over that stuff.

Some things I just don't get

What's the deal ... with figure skating? I don't understand why so many people think this is cool and I am more baffled by how it is a popular olympic competition. I think figure skating was originally a competition to see who could skate the best figure 8 in the ice. I may be wrong, but that sounds right. I can understand this as an all-be-it weird, but legitimate competition. But somehow over the years it has turned into people just dancing around on the ice in flashy outfits. Don't even get me started on the guys who participate in this. What a disgrace to their gender. I acknowledge the fact that you have to be in great shape and very skilled at what you do to be a figure skater ... but do we have to act like it's a legitimate competition? Come on people. There are only two reasons I would ever watch figure skating. 1) Michelle Kwan 2) the falls. So I give you a perfect figure skating world in this image.

Another thing in the olympics I have a heard time putting my mind around is the two man luge. I think the regular luge is awesome. There's something really cool about a guy going balls first down an icy track on a small piece of metal at 85 mph. That makes me excited and that I will watch. But take all the above mentioned attributes and add another man with his balls resting just below the first mans head and you can count me out. No thanks. I just don't get it.

Since You Been Gone

I don't get awards shows. I just don't. For some reason E! starts having their red carpet (or in the case of the Grammy's the green carpet) show 3 days in advance. I'm glad they don't have that Joan Rivers anymore but now they have Ryan Seacrest. You see I always thought if you were the person interviewing celebrities and asking about their outfits it was because you were washed up as a celebrity and were just looking for a ticket in the gate. Isn't Ryan Seacrest supposed to be popular? This could be social suicide.

So after the red carpet fiasco you have an award show that lasts for 3 to 4 hours and bores the hell out of everyone watching. Who freakin' cares what the academy thinks is the best soundtrack to a Norwegian documentary. Just flash it across the bottom of the screen. I'm thinking there should be about 6 awards max that are given out.

I caught part of the pre game show with Seacrest yesterday and it was funny to see different people he interviewed. He was talking to Fall Out Boy who was up for new artist of the year. You could tell they felt really out of place ... and they're good musicians who supposedly make good music. How is that possible they could feel out of place at an awards show that is supposed to be for people like them? And then he interviewed Jennifer Love Hewitt who should be ashamed to be seen at a music awards show. But she was totally comfortable hanging out with all the famous people.

I didn't watch the grammy's lastnight. I watch a little show called LOST. Maybe you've heard of it. I did get a phone update from my friend Julie to tell me that Kelly Clarkson had already won one award and it turns out she took home two by the end of the night. I'd like to state for the record that I don't own any of her records and would most likely never go see her in concert. I would however go on a date with her and I think it's cool that she won. So congratulations to Kelly Clarkson and the entire American Idol institution. If making millions and millions of dollars in reality television wasn't enough validation, now you have a winner with a grammy. How about that?

Roger Lodge And His Influence On Society

Okay, I'm not a huge fan of going on blind dates, but if the person trying to set me up is a friend that I consider cool enough for the job or just berates me with it until I give in, I'll usually give it a try. So below are some bulleted thoughts of mine on blind dating. Enjoy.

- it's so easy for a person to say "here's her phone number. Give her a call." And it doesn't even sound like a big deal to me until I get ready to dial. Then I freak out for some reason. What will I say? Will she know who I am or think I'm some random person calling? What if when I ask questions she gives one word answers not allowing me enough time to formulate a follow up question? And the list of panic questions goes on and on.

- for some reason when I'm on a blind date I feel like there should be cameras in our faces at all times and that the night will be edited for broadcast at a later date ... and will of course have corny captions everytime I do something suspect.

- I don't understand how the blind date couples on t.v. can go from meeting to naked in the hot tub in a matter of hours. It sounds good in theory but I would have no idea as to how to go about making that happen.

- is it okay to talk with your date about "blind dates" and the fact you are on one? Or joke about how akward they can be in an effort to break the ice? I feel like this could be a good move but haven't used it yet.

- I have never met someone and asked them out all in the same day. The people I've dated in the past have all been girls I had known for a while and developed some sort of friendship with. I think that's just the sort of person I am and as far as blind dates go I think that sort of stacks the odds against me before I even walk out the door.

- my profession is sales ... but I don't like to come across as a "salesman". My approach professionally is to build relationships with potential customers and put them in a position to understand on their own the benefits of what I have to offer. I think dating should be the same way which again puts me at a disadvantage because although I know I'm pretty cool, it may take a girl a few dates to realize that.

- if you think the date is the hard part, then you're wrong. The hardest part is the next day trying to figure out what in the world the other person is thinking. Having mutual friends can always expedite that process.

- this all boils down to figuring out if you'll go out again. There are three questions that both parties must answer to figure this out. It would be great if there was a questionaire to fill out at the end that you would then feed into a machine that would in turn tell you if you should go out again. But I don't think that exists so you have to figure these things out on your own. Questions are: 1) did I have a good time tonight 2) do I like this person 3) was there a connection between us ...... success in 1 and 2 is nice but if you don't have an affirmation for question number 3 then you're dead in the water. Personally I think this can sometimes take a while to figure out, but in the world of blind dating you've got one shot. So make it a good one.

- at the end of the day hopefully at the worst you had a great meal with a pretty girl. Every now and then there's something to be said for that I guess.

XL

So the Steelers won the Super Bowl. I'm so sarcasticly excited. I wanted to see the Seahawks hoist the Lombardi Trophy mainly because they've never been there. I like rooting for the underdog. Not a big fan of the Steelers, but I like that Bettis guy. He seems like he'd be cool to hang out with.

Great times were had around here for the game. I had friends that range from as far back as my childhood to friends I just made a few months ago. It was cool to have them all together and us all have a really great time. I'm all about an excuse to fire up the grill and throw on some meat. To those of you that came over and had the chicken, I apologize if it was a little tough. I have a crazy fear of giving salmonella poisoning to those I cook for so the chicken may have stayed on the grill just a little longer than it should have.

I think my favorite commercial was for Careerbuilder.com. It was the one where the monkeys were in the office partying because they thought sales were up. I loved the monkey that was smoking the cigar and burning money. The only guy in the room then turns the sales chart rightside up to reveal that sales were actually down. The monkeys stop. Then a monkey turns the chart to show sales growth and the party continues. I love it. By the way, do any of the beer companies even try anymore? They shouldn't. Anheiser kicks all of their butts.

I didn't get to see the halftime show? I heard it was pretty good and that everyone is surprised that the Stones are still alive.

I hope the rest of you enjoyed your Super Bowl sunday as much as we did here at the world headquarters. Until next time ...

#1 Single

Everyone, this is Lisa Loeb. Lisa Loeb, this is everyone.

I've decided that we should be married. I like girls with glasses. I like girls that like music. And I like girls that are hot. So the way I see it, we're a perfect match.

I saw this show she's doing called #1 Single. She basically goes out on blind dates with guys looking for a boyfriend. So, ummm, anyone know how I could get on this show. I'm pretty sure I would win. Let me know.